***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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