I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
