her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
