Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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