Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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