i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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