She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize