just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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