Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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