Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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