No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
