and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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