just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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