Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
