She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize