I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
