I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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