Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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