Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
