Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize