Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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