On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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