drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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