Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
