Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
