why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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