No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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