i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
