Just cropdusted the office
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
