Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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