Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
