When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
