this just has baby written all over it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
