What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ladies don't puke and tell
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
