she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize