There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize