Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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