Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
