maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
