Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
