So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
