found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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