I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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