I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
