He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
