im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
