I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
