Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
