Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
