i think my mom watched the whole time
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
