Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
