It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
