Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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