just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
