if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
