If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
