So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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