Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
