Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
