btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
