I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
