I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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