My Higher Power is John Stamos
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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