I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize